How to Avoid Shit Shows – The Personal and Social Implications of Lack of Self Monitoring

Deena Al Jassasi
7 min readJun 23, 2021


// Realflow Bubble Burst — Stimulation // YouTube: CGI focus //

Sometimes it’s really fun being me, as I see the invisible, be visible, right before my eyes. I’ve recently came across a transparent, yet apparent, social situation that brought forth the written revelation that is this piece. Picture this, I am sitting down, enjoying my down time with the nagging need to switch on my psychological bubble.

Act now, question later.

I switch my bubble on and scan for emotional vampires. I find one. A friend, that was slowly loosing internal control. Naturally, I approached them, trying to shed light on the internal unravelling. However, my insight was rejected in favour of denial. They didn’t know that they were loosing control. Pressingly, they lacked the ability and willingness to self monitor. Fortunately, that was not my problem. It never was. Only if you pay me. However, I found the whole situation to be rude, inconsiderate, and unnecessary.

Why’d you have to be such an oblivious piece of shit?

So, I sat there, drink in hand, psychologically protected, sipping tea, while watching the shit-show unfold.

We’ve all watched different variations of this shit show. Someone that’s upset about something, blaming and complaining about something else. So, no matter what is done to resolve the issue, it’s never properly resolved because it was never properly addressed. It’s similar to searching for a necklace in the car, when in reality you’ve lost a ring at home. The feelings of loss are valid, but completely misguided. Hence, fruitless and pointless. Endlessly searching for something that can never be found. This leads to immense frustration. The mismatch of reality and fantasy. Thereby, bringing forth a negativity and it’s chain reactions. As known as, the shit-show.

This piece is created to enlighten others about their accidental and intentional hosting and attending of shit-shows. Highlighting amd dealing with their short-comings privately before they become public. Simply put, what happens to you when you don’t self monitor. Alongside, the listed potential social consequences and what that says about you.

All of this can be tied down to emotional intelligence, which begins with knowing and mastering your self. Those whom are inept at self- monitoring, are essentially, emotionally disabled. Reiterated, they lack the fundamentals of emotional intelligence. Thereby, are of lesser emotional intelligence. Nevertheless, what is wrong can be right. Emotional intelligence is more malleable than the standard intelligence quotient (IQ). This begins with insight and awareness, internally and externally. Most importantly, the genuine want and intent to change — without that, nothing constructive can ever be accomplished.

Inability to Self-Monitor -> Shit Show Backdrop

// //

What is self-monitoring? It’s the ability to be mindful of your current state, whilst understanding the underlying reasoning behind your state of mind. For instance, if you find yourself anxious when hungry, then faced with a minor situation while hungry. Rather than blaming your anxiety on the situation. You would cognitively comprehend that the gravity of the situation is intensified by your neglected need, hunger, rather than the situation in and of itself. Furthermore, to be able, to consider and address the need internally, before you proceed externally. Clearly put, to grab a bite and then deal with the situation.

None of this can be achieved without the fundamental ability to self-monitor. The ability to be able to be mindful and receptive to the needs of your body and mind, then to be responsive to the need. If you fail to do so, your needs will hijack your brain and body. It will then communicate for you, without your conscious approval, to create the ideal scenario for miscommunication and conflict, as known as, the shit-show backdrop.

Social Imposition and The Elimination of Choice — > Shit Show Guests

// native children in a residential school // CBC News //

Negative chain reactions begin internally and then radiate externally. Negative emotionality could be perceived as nuclear matter. Only in small, well-controlled, circumstances, can it then be utilized to harness energy. However, if badly contained, then the leakage of the nuclear matter will cause toxic radiation. This will not only affect the subject in question, but also those around them. The magnitude could range from invisible cancerous radiation to visible nuclear disasters.

When a person makes the choice to not socially withdraw in a state of negative emotionality, then they impose their negativity upon others. By doing so, they remove the element of total choice from others via enforcement and reactivity. They are now, forced shit show guests. Now left with two options, to stay or to go. No matter how much you try to clean up, there will always be a continuous stream of metaphorical fecal matter coming your way. The option to leave is usually coincided with upsetting the host.

How dare you leave my shitshow? If I have to go through it, then so do you.

The large majority of us only realize we were in shitshows, after the event — not during. When we are finally home, looking at ourselves, and seeing rhetorical shit smeared all over. Feeling terribly drained and emotionally invaded. Questioning, what happened, how did it happen, why did it happen, whilst cleaning ourselves up. Then realizing, that you had just attended a shit show and took home the party favours.

Lack of Consideration — > Shit Show Hosts

// //

Considerate: adj Characterized by careful thought; deliberate.

“Like attracts like” — science

The inability to self-monitor leads to social imposition and the elimination of choice, due to the lack of careful, deliberate, thought in place. Basically, a person that is unable to self-monitor is inherently, inconsiderate. You are responsible for how you feel and for your actions. Others are responsible for how they feel and for their actions. Nonetheless, if one behaves in an inconsiderate manner, then they will attract inconsiderate people. As proof, they will then provoke the worse in people. Bad attracts bad — and one should not underestimates misery conquest for company. Consequently, triggering negative chain reactions. Again, tying it back to the forced shit show attendees and their obligatory reactionary stance.

Considerate people are, foremost, considerate of themselves, with the integral protection of their peace. They do not want to be around inconsiderate people. Undoubtedly, due to the element of harm. As they’re more likely to be harmed via impulsivity and hostility, by someone inconsiderate than considerate. As a response, they will then have to exert and direct vast amounts of energy, towards self-protective mechanisms and emotional barriers. This will be deemed to be an unworthy investment of energy, as the positive return does not cancel out the negative input. In laymen’s terms, if your bad is so bad that it cancels out how good you are, then people do not want to be around you — and those that do want to be around you, aren’t the people you want to associate yourself with, if, you truly care about yourself and care about your self-advancement. Basically, if you keep hosting shit shows, only shitty people are going to show up and everyone else will avoid you.

Positive Intentionality is Not Enough — > Shit Show Justifications

// fake photograph of Paris Hilton //

Living a peaceful life is interwoven with the ability to give the benefit of the doubt, correctly. However, the amount allocated to each person is subject to the nature of their relationship and the quality of character in question. Think of this way, you are a bank and you have two clients asking for loans. One of them is an old client, with a positive history income and debt payments. The other, is a recent client, with unstable income and no credit history. You would be much more comfortable giving the older client a larger lowered interest loan, meanwhile the recent client a smaller higher interest loan. Now, instead of you giving out monetary loans, you’re giving the benefit of the doubt loans. These two clients, are now friends. Both whom have been acting irrationally and illogically, and creating shit shows. Hence, risk assessment, of whomever you choose to work with, is vital. As sometimes in life, we have to attend shit shows. So, make sure the host is worth the benefit of the doubt.

You cannot prove intentionality; hence, humans look upon actions as a mere reflections of it. Similarly, if someone keeps stating that they didn’t mean to do something, yet continuously do it. Then, we only witness reality manifesting the outcome of the actions, not of the words. Subsequently, displaying the true outcome of the intentionality. Not, the abstract and intangible. For as long as your intentions and actions don’t match, positive intentionality will only take you as far as your loan.


// Guernica – Pablo Picasso //

If you find yourself constantly surrounded by shit-shows, then maybe your lack of self monitoring is the reasoning behind it. Either way, it’s probably interwoven with your emotional intelligence, or lack of it. So, whether you are the guest or the host, pause. Take some metaphorical distance and try to find the patterns in your life. Look carefully into them, specifically into the true internal causation and the social external consequences. Your patterns carry the most validity and reliability in the comprehension, deconstruction, and construction, of your reality.

Best of luck increasing your emotional intelligence, I truly hope this helps.



Deena Al Jassasi

Building a mentally healthier tech tomorrow. Creator of ‘The Guide To Hacking Your Psyche’: psychology, warfare + spirituality.